I have not read your story, or any of the comments, yet.
I don't think I take a big risk by commenting either. Why do you tell peope what not to do? They will then learn what they shouldn't do, because you teach them this first. You should change the heading to:
HOW TO START A STORY TO MAKE IT SUCCESSFUL.
The psycology in this is if you learn the wrong things first, then you will perform them first. Simply learn people what to do to make success.
If I want to learn things, then I want to learn how to do it. See the difference?